23rd Sep '04, Thursday
A letter for Rani………
So Rani, this is the true story of Suhani. I wanted to tell you this story for a very long time. Not ‘coz I want u to be impressed or fall in luv with me. But ‘coz I don’t want to be guilty in your eyes. Actually, from the day u’ve told me ‘bout your previous northie friend (if he exists), I’ve always feared that u may doubt my intentions & feelings; that u may think I am flirting with u. Being true to my heart, when I first talked to u, just a hearty friendship was in my mind. But don’t know why I gradually begun to like you. And my sis says, “when u like someone & U know why u like that person, it’s crush. But when u like someone & u don’t know why u like that person, it’s love.” Know what, mine story is a bit similar to that of “Kyun…. Ho
gaya naa.” Mujhe bhi Vivek ki tarah apne pyaar ka ehsaas tub hota hain jub mujhe lagta hain meri Aish mujhse duur jaa rahi hain. The only difference is that in the movie, Aish also was in love with Vivek & the story had a happy ending, they lived happily ever after. But in my case…..
Don’t know why, but at times I really feel that u also love me as much as I do. But u r so much afraid of this world that u won’t confess ever. U will shed tears in loneliness, but won’t bring the words of heart on your lips. If I ever get to know that this is really the truth, then believe me, I don’t know what I’ll do. I am not saying that I’ll die without u. But this is also true that I can’t even think of living without u. When I close my eyes, I see U. When I open my eyes, I want to see U. I never thought I’ll ever fall in love. But from the day I knew ‘what love is’,
I’ve always loved you. Everybody falls in love. But surely, no one ever was so much in love as me. ‘Coz no one else had U.

I don’t want or need to impress you. All I want is to see U happy, smiling always. And I just can’t afford to see you crying in pain, hurt. That’s why I wanted to tell u the truth. I don’t want u to think that I ditched u in the name of friendship. Anu says that I should wait a bit more, that I should give you some more time to get close to me, to know me better. Then only I can win your Love. But I believe that love doesn’t need time but a moment to blossom. I always believed in letting your love go. If it comes back, it is indeed yours. But if it doesn’t, it never was. My life was as black & white as the previous pages. U brought colours into it. Now whether it remains colourful, or gets back to the b&w era, is up to U. Even last night, Anu was saying that don’t come to me to drop your tears when u turn into Devdas. Huh, Devdas !!! I promise, I’ll never be a Devdas. Kabhi mujhse apni dil ki baat kehke to dekho. Whatever u say, I’ll always respect your decision. U can always
trust me on that. If what I think is just a wild imagination, then don’t hesitate to shout at me & dump me. I won’t be hurt. ‘U r separated from me.’ will be just a sentence for people to say. The truth is, u’ll always be with me like dreams & tears in my eyes. And who knows, maybe I‘ll write far better things than I do now, as a love-cut heart cries louder. U know, I’ve always liked crying. When I don’t get a reason to cry, I eventually create a situation so that I can cry. Crying at times lightens the heart & makes you feel good. I hope I could take away your tears too so that u don’t even get a chance to cry. I am too selfish, naa…..
Plz don’t mind.

Tomorrow, 24th of Sep, between 5 & 7 pm, I’ll wait for a call from you, to know if I have really lost the dearest friend I ever had. Plz say something or anything. Your silence will kill me.

Anyways, do u know why I missed the dinner & my slip on the night of 6th jan ’04? Well, actually….. uhhhh…… Ok, phir kabhie bataunga…..

It’s Vicky 4 U

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