I am SE
It was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of the nature. Through the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am a software engineer. . I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it. I always wanted to be software professional and here I am, working for one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.
My childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house, not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.
I threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face. The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.
The scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought with my best friend came to my mind. Today, she has gone far away from me, taking away my love and with it my life, but I am sitting and coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people, but then I long ceased to make a new friend.
It's true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest designer clothes, but a worn out body. Quite a few to flirt, but no one to love. Awards for technical excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain, but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.
Now, I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time back. I have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small kid now. I removed my tie, and went near my computer to shut it down. Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying that there was a critical defect in the code and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked in with the perfect tie knot, sat before the computer, and started typing,
XYZ,
I am looking into the defect and will send the patch files before EOD.
SE
Dear Friend
Happy Valentines Day. They say "love is eternal, no matter what". Maybe....
Here I'm posting one such love story, in PDF format - 2 parts.
Click on the image to download.
You'll need to install some fonts to read the document properly. Download it here, extract the files and copy-paste in your c:\windows\fonts folder.
Marriage Blues
That title just occurred in my mind. Catchy title - don't know the exact meaning it conveys.
Anyways, the reason why I am writing this post. Rani is getting married today. AT LAST. At last d day has come which i always feared in college. When I was madly in love with her back in college - every now & then I used to fear that some day she's gonna leave me forever. Against all odds, I hoped I'll win her heart some day. But that day never came. We didn't even met on last day in college. There was no break up - things just evaporated. Later I text -ed her on the day I bought my first mobile. Not regular chat. Once in a month. Just two times. Then there was a gap of 3 months. I'd moved over. There were some new interests in my life - getting a job being foremost among them. As for having a company to share thoughts & feelings with - I had Shwetha. She's been really nice to me when I were down. (Well, now she is busy in her own life. INFY)
Anyways, when this Ness recruitment process was on, she called on 24th Nov. How I felt...??? Well, I really don't know.! The 1st thing that came to my mind was "Why d hell is she calling me...!!". Answer was - to invite me to her wedding. (Technically - she knew that no 'Northy' is gonna come; so 'be d nice gal'). Don't know what were she thinking - why d hell would I like to attend her wedding....!! Moreover, I really can't attend it - if selected, I was expected to join by 1st dec. So, I told her so and hung up. End of story...?? Well, not here. The usual hang-over bit. Chit chat with rajan & gyan. She's claimed to invite only we 4 northy guys. So 'friendly' of her, naa. Any reader smelling politics....?? She had asked for my address "Will send u my wedding card". Huh, that turned out just as reliable as her any other word - didn't receive any other till today.
Anyways, I didn't even give it a thought until Shruthi raised this topic a few days back. Since then, I've been counting down;
6 - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 - BOOM.
Today is the D Day. (Disaster.... 4 whom...? u ask. Groom of course). No special feelings or remorse. The day went by as usual - in fact more cheerful than usual. First of all, interview of Shruthi & all was on. And we had our fresher program this evening. So, had a great day. Now that I am back in my cubical & have nothing to do, am typing this post. I wonder what is happening right now @ her side...?? Is she uttering some more lies at the alter....???
Vicky A's Diary : Epi-5
A letter for Rani………
So Rani, this is the true story of Suhani. I wanted to tell you this story for a very long time. Not ‘coz I want u to be impressed or fall in luv with me. But ‘coz I don’t want to be guilty in your eyes. Actually, from the day u’ve told me ‘bout your previous northie friend (if he exists), I’ve always feared that u may doubt my intentions & feelings; that u may think I am flirting with u. Being true to my heart, when I first talked to u, just a hearty friendship was in my mind. But don’t know why I gradually begun to like you. And my sis says, “when u like someone & U know why u like that person, it’s crush. But when u like someone & u don’t know why u like that person, it’s love.” Know what, mine story is a bit similar to that of “Kyun…. Ho
gaya naa.” Mujhe bhi Vivek ki tarah apne pyaar ka ehsaas tub hota hain jub mujhe lagta hain meri Aish mujhse duur jaa rahi hain. The only difference is that in the movie, Aish also was in love with Vivek & the story had a happy ending, they lived happily ever after. But in my case…..
I’ve always loved you. Everybody falls in love. But surely, no one ever was so much in love as me. ‘Coz no one else had U.
I don’t want or need to impress you. All I want is to see U happy, smiling always. And I just can’t afford to see you crying in pain, hurt. That’s why I wanted to tell u the truth. I don’t want u to think that I ditched u in the name of friendship. Anu says that I should wait a bit more, that I should give you some more time to get close to me, to know me better. Then only I can win your Love. But I believe that love doesn’t need time but a moment to blossom. I always believed in letting your love go. If it comes back, it is indeed yours. But if it doesn’t, it never was. My life was as black & white as the previous pages. U brought colours into it. Now whether it remains colourful, or gets back to the b&w era, is up to U. Even last night, Anu was saying that don’t come to me to drop your tears when u turn into Devdas. Huh, Devdas !!! I promise, I’ll never be a Devdas. Kabhi mujhse apni dil ki baat kehke to dekho. Whatever u say, I’ll always respect your decision. U can always
trust me on that. If what I think is just a wild imagination, then don’t hesitate to shout at me & dump me. I won’t be hurt. ‘U r separated from me.’ will be just a sentence for people to say. The truth is, u’ll always be with me like dreams & tears in my eyes. And who knows, maybe I‘ll write far better things than I do now, as a love-cut heart cries louder. U know, I’ve always liked crying. When I don’t get a reason to cry, I eventually create a situation so that I can cry. Crying at times lightens the heart & makes you feel good. I hope I could take away your tears too so that u don’t even get a chance to cry. I am too selfish, naa…..
Plz don’t mind.
Tomorrow, 24th of Sep, between 5 & 7 pm, I’ll wait for a call from you, to know if I have really lost the dearest friend I ever had. Plz say something or anything. Your silence will kill me.
Anyways, do u know why I missed the dinner & my slip on the night of 6th jan ’04? Well, actually….. uhhhh…… Ok, phir kabhie bataunga…..
It’s Vicky 4 U
This whole Diary Episode series is now available for download in the form of a book. To download - Click Here
