5th May '04, Wednesday.
Dear diary, I have a confession to make. In past few days, I’ve committed one of the most heinous offences. I lied to papa - my papa - who taught me to be honest always. It would have hurt him immensely if he got to know the truth from somewhere else. Main apni hi nazron mein gir jata. So I had to tell him the truth. But I was already so much ashamed that I couldn’t sum up the courage to talk to him. Don’t know how he would react. I felt the very need of a friend who would be beside me at that moment, supporting & encouraging me morally. Rani. Today I am able to face the mirror, thnx to her. She advised me to call home & speak the truth and was there beside me all through that call. Whenever I felt weak, I looked at her and regained my strength. Agar aaj wo nahi hoti, to main shayad kabhi sach nahi bol pata aur zindagi bhar apni family ke samne ek liar hoke reh jata. Thnx buddy, thnx for being there for me.

14th May '04, Friday
“Pata hain log humare bare mein kya bolte hain?”. To abate the discomfort of some nonsense people, the court of friendship sentenced me to life even without a single hearing. “Abse hum college mein baat nahi karenge.”. I was there in the lab to wish her ‘good bye’ for her vacation, but she made a ‘good bye’ forever and left me alone in the lab.
Why? Why me?? Just ‘coz I am a boy, a boy from distant land ! Just ‘coz maine usein, sirf usein upna subse pyara dost mana !! just ‘coz some tipsy were irked !!!

Now this is Rani, whom I thought to be different from others, someone on whom I can always rely.
And now, just some moments of disgrace made her forget the tender moments spent together. That very friend, whom I thought to be my power even in most hopeless situations, was lacking the courage to face the little world with the truth on her side. The friend I always wanted to be by my side didn't want to be even seen with me. She didn’t look back even once and left. Now it’s 7 pm, six hours since she left me alone. And I am still alone. The college day function is at full blast outside. All my ‘friends’ are out, enjoying their share of the day. And I already had enough of my ruined day. I even can’t get sis when I called home.
This is it. I am destined to be lonely today. So let it be. I am not complaining. Mujhe dukh hain to bus is baat ka ke itne deeno mein bhi tum mujhe samajh nahi payee Rani. Anyways, if this can make U happy & your life easier, it’s ok with me. Remember, u r still my best buddie.
Someone, somewhere thinks of your smile, And finds in your presence that life’s worthwhile.

So whenever U r lonely, remember it’s true, Someone, somewhere is thinking of you.

21st May '04, Friday.
Seven days. Seven days of anxiety, seven days of confusion, seven days of distress. The last seven days passed like seven never ending years. Only I know how I spent each moment of these seven days.
The first two days went like hell. Nothing felt good. Then I tried to recover myself. What have I
lost? Just a friend ! So what if she was one in a billion ! So what if she was so close to me that I can share just about anything with her ! So what if I am feeling myself incomplete without her ! Yes. Don’t know why, but aisa lug raha hain jaise mujhse mera sub kuch chhin liya gaya ho. God knows, I have always considered Rani as one of my best buddies. But for the past few days, I myself am confused regarding my feelings for her. Destiny has always snatched everything I love from me. But I had never felt like this before. Now it feels as if she is something more than just a friend for me, as if I can’t live without her. I closed my eyes, and it was she who appeared before me. Maybe……maybe main usein chahne laga hoon. The fear of losing her forever is what made me realize her importance in my life. I don’t wanna lose U Rani. How can I spell S_ccess without U? Or C_te? Or H_mble? Or F_n? Or F_t_re? Or even Tr_st? What will I do without U?
Plz come back. Plz… Wait. There’s a call for me.
Plz don’t wake me up if I am dreaming. The call I just received was from, guess who, Rani.
Listening to her voice after so many days felt like it’s spring time again. In 876 seconds, usne aur uski khamoshi ne kaphi kuch kaha. Each of her words sounded like music to ears. Every now & then, I feared she might cut the phone now. I had so much to say, so much to express, but could not utter a single word. At last, she said, “Ub ye mera last coin hain.” . So cute & innocent naa … Last 90 secs of leased lifeline. After that, fascination. So, what was it? Did it signify something? At least, she doesn’t want the relation to break, to end as if it was never there. Maybe she doesn’t want to lose me from her life. Maybe I am special for her.
Hey Rani, am I?


{To BE CONCLUDED....}