26th May '04, Wednesday.

Life is really very weird, isn’t it? The wishes we make, turns to reality very rarely. This is more truewhen the heart is involved. Kuch hi din huye hain maine apni chahat ko samjha hain. Aur isi bich pehle pyar ka pehla gum bhi mil gaya. Rani doesn’t feel for me the way I feel for her. Rather, she is much confused ‘bout me. Today, she was telling me why people down here treat us differently. Gradually, the discussion moved from ‘in general’ to her personal view. She told me that some years back, she had another friend who was very close to her. Next, the way she described that friend, it felt as if she was telling her story keeping me in mind. “Baad mein pata chala wo h bahut bura tha, mere saath lirt kar raha tha.” So, Rani feels that I am flirting with her and she conveyed this very feeling to me by creating the story of a previous friend. For a moment, it felt I am really too bad. Rani mujhe aapna itna achhchha dost manti hain, mujhe itna value deti hain, meri dosti khona nahi chahti. Aur main hoon ke usse dosti ke jagah pyaar expect karne laga. How mean !!!!! She ignored all the rumors about us & showed her trust in me. And now, I myself was going to hurt that trust. Maybe, I am cheating her by having love for her in my heart. I should tell her the truth. I had never seen her in that way. Maine bhi usein upna dost hi mana tha. Pur yehi dosti kub mere liye pyar mein badal gayi, mujhe hi nahi pata. Usne kaha tha “tum log char saal baad sub kuch bhoola ke, friends ko chhor ke chale jaate ho.” No Rani, I am not among them. I will hold your hands for a lifetime. After four years, I will take you with myself.
Chalogi mere saath??


8th June '04, Tuesday.

Kabhi kabhi aapko eksaath itni khusiya mil jati hain ke aap sochte hain ub aagar maut bhi aa jaye to koi gum nahi. Something like that only happened to me today.
Actually, yesterday it was the cosmos night & my very own thnx giving day. But Rani couldn’t
spare some time for me. It was my fault only. I approached her at the last minute when her bus was about to leave. So, she left & I watched till the bus was out of view. Then don’t know what happened to me, main bhi usi raah par chal diya. Usi ki baatein yaad aa rahi thi. The moments we have spent together, the loving memories that have us bonded together. At those very moments, aise lug raha tha jaise Rani mere saath hi hain, mere bohot paas. It was feeling so……good. Dil ne chahha ke yuhi sari raat khule aakash ke neeche ghumta rahu.
Anyways, my thnx-giving day was rendered incomplete. So, today at 6 pm, I called her and asked her to meet me at the parvathi stop within 1 hour. She was pleading, “main abhi nahi aa sakti, plz plz.”, but I put the phone down. After a while it occurred to me that she might not give much importance to this call or may get angry on me for calling her like that. It was for the 1st time that I asked her to meet me in city, that too, in an hour’s notice. Whether she will come or not? I was so much nervous. And I just couldn’t believe my eyes when she came there within 10 minutes.

It was drizzling out there. A sweet aroma of the drenched earth in the air. The nature, gleaming after the fresh shower. And at the locus of all these, there she was, cladding the baby sky, with an umbrella over her head. Some unexplored excitement on face, some boundless curiosities in eyes, a bit of hesitation in mind, with all these and much more, she was looking entirely different. For a moment, went breathless. It seemed as if an angel has landed on earth with the rain. A face so delicate that anybody would be afraid to touch it for the fear of having it crumble. The magnificent elegance, the innocent gaze…….. everything was so magical. I was feeling like I had never felt before. We talked for hardly 3 minutes; still I’ll never forget those mesmerizing moments for the next 3 lives.
Afterall, she had responded to my very 1st call to visit me for the very 1st time.

3rd July '04, Saturday.

For the last few days, life is really on the go. So many things happened in such a short timespan.
Ok, first things first. On the 1st of july, I asked Rani to meet me at the temple. Temple, ’coz I thought she might like that place as the venue. So I visited the temple for the 1st time in seven years. Pehli baar bhagwan se kuch manga. Anyways, Rani didn’t turn up. Instead, she made a call the day after. And such was my luck, I was not in hostel at that time. U know what, whenever I asked god for something, e snatched something else from me in lieu of that wish. But this time, I don’t wanna allow him the chance. The very next day, that is today I called her aur bato hi bato mein pehli baar upni dil ki kuch baatein usein kehdi. Of course, Suhani ki madat leke. Suhani, for me – a character to introduce Rani with herself, for Rani – my 1st adhura love. Main Rani se humesha kehta tha “mujhe tumse kuch ehna hain, pur pata nahi kaise kahu. Isiliye, phir kabhi bataunga.” That “phir kabhi” was today. I told her, “Always remember, duniya ke kisi kone mein ek aadmi bohot khush hain, kyuki tum khush ho. Tumhe hur wo chiz mile jiski umhe chahhat ho. Tumhe kabhi naa kehna pare ‘kaash’.” “Ye sub maine kabhi Suhani se kaha tha.” But I didn’t tell her that ‘kabhi’ is today itself and that Suhani is none other than U. Before disconnecting, I said, “miss u”, but she didn’t respond !

I am sending a story on Suhani to Rani. In fact, I got this idea of Suhani from Rani herself when she had recited her story of her previous northie friend. And now, I am telling her own story to her with her character named as Suhani. “Hope only, my Suhani would understand someday that none other than she is my Suhani.”


{TO BE CONCLUDED........}