24th July '04, Saturday.
11:30 pm. Staircase of 6228. Train is about to leave the town. The breeze of the night is kissing me good bye, leaving a trace of moisture in my eyes. Gradually, all the trees, houses, fields are falling behind and some precious moments with them. I’ll be back here in a month, but the moments won’t be.
Two years. I’ve lost many things in these two years, besides my heart. And got nothing but memories in return. Inhi yaado ko apne saath le jaa raha hoon.
Today, after the completion of exams, Rani left without meeting me. I was waiting there for her for the last 45 minutes & she knew it. Still…..!! Now it was almost evident that I won’t get even a glimpse of her for the next forty days. But this heart declined to admit it. Every now & then, it was crying ‘she will come back.’
And she was. Some talks on this & that and then she wanted to know ‘bout Suhani. Well, I did tell her the true story of Suhani alias Rani. And now she knew for sure that none other than she is Suhani. “Ye to tum meri hi story soona rahe ho.” She didn’t stay there any longer. Maybe, she didn’t return for me. She came back for Suhani, to know more ‘bout her. But why? Why is she so much interested in her that she came back to me leaving her ego behind ! Just a feminine curiosity, or some sort of complexion, jealousy. And if so, then why did she virtually ran away after knowing the truth of Suhani !!
Perhaps, Rani never looked at me that way. Maybe, I am just a timepass for her. But scraps of
this timepass are what steals a heart beat from me. She selecting the ‘most romantic’ article as the best, “kya main puchh sakti hoon, tum khayalo mein kise dekhte ho.”, that very call of her after the breakup, “kya tum mujhse naraj ho, mujhse baat bhi nahi karna chahte !”, mere rooth jane pe pinki se bhi chhupa ke mujhe phone karna, checking my IA marks, that 1st meet in city, “main to samajhti thi tum……… tumhari koi girlfriend nahi hain”, that insecure feeling of her.
Are all these just a mirage ! Don’t they have any value !! Rani, u ask yourself, When I get close to u, don’t u feel a rise in pulse! When I call your name, don’t u feel that’s the cutest name in the whole world! When I stare at u, don’t u feel gorgeous! When we touched for the 1st time, didn’t u feel the spark! When I say “u r looking nice”, don’t u blush at heart! When I say “Bye”, don’t u want the moment to freeze! Whenever, wherever u hear my name, don’t u feel “kuch kuch” ! If all these answer to a yes, then why are u punishing me & yourself ! Do u fear commitment ? Are u scared of the world around or your family not approving ? Then u must know, I am not Adi of ‘Saathiya’, but am Raj of ‘ddlj’. I’ll make u my own when I win u from your family. If u r with me, I believe I can do anything. True love has the power to conquer anything & everything. Do u feel I can ever betray u? Have u ever asked your heart what it wants?
Close your eyes; forget who u r, where u r for a moment; listen to your heart; Ask yourself,
Can you live without me?

29th Aug '04, Sunday
End of holidays. Once again it’s time to get back to college. Time to bid good bye to the family.
But to be frank, it’s not much painful. In fact, I am dearly waiting for tomorrow when I set for
SBC. U know, I can’t seat idle at a place for a long time. And most of all, Rani is there.
36 days since we last talked, since we last met. In these 36 days, I missed her like anything.
I am still alive ‘coz though she is far from my eyes, she is very near to my heart. Don’t know what she is thinking ‘bout me right now, especially after what happened on the 24th. But it is for sure that in these 36 days, not even a single day would have passed when she didn’t remember me. But for better or for worse - only she knows. Maybe for worse. The way she responded to the final call of 24th and rejected the two calls of 25th, it seems the relation is under threat. Wo kehti hain, “tum mein kitne emotions hain, kitni feelings hain.”, pur itna bhi nahi samajhti ke mere sare emotions, sari feelings usi se joore hain. Till now, I have only indicated to her that she herself is Suhani.
But when & how all these happened is still within me. 

Dil ki hain kya dastan ye soonane main aa raha hooon
                      Jo khwab dekha hain tujhko dikhane wo khwab la raha hoon.